SupErBakAt!

eee…..bosannyer…..tuh buat natang ney….
hemo hemoh hemohhhhhhhh

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

“Magic Beer”, he says.

She thinks he’s a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but she relizes that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,

“That isn’t really Magic Beer, is it?”

“Yes, I’ll show you.” He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

The lady can’t believe it: “I bet you can’t do that again.”

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, “Give her one of what I’m having.”

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk!”

Seorang perempuan ‘duduk’ di atas hidung pinokio dan terpekik-pekik “Bohongla pinokio, tolonglaa cakap bohong!!!”

1.Cuci motor boleh dilakukan depan kawan-kawan
tanpa merasa malu dan bersalah.
2.Masa sedang asyik menggosok dada motor tak
perlu tengok-tengok kiri kanan.
3.Motor tak merengek-rengek masa ia mula basah
dan licin oleh sabun.
4.Boleh tangguh beberapa minit, pergi sambut
telefon, makan nasi, pergi tandas, hisap rokok
tanpa sesiapa yang tak puas hati.
5.Tak perlu pujuk-pujuk dan berjanji untuk
bertanggung jawab sekiranya hendak mula mencuci
motor.
6.Lepas cuci boleh naik dan henjut-henjut serta
tunggang-tunggang dalam sebarang posisi tanpa
emak atau JPJ tegur sekiranya belum dihidupkan
enjin.
7.Tak perlu bersusah payah mencari tempat
tersembunyi, depan rumah atau di stesyen minyak
pun boleh.
8.Nak pancut air sepuas-puasnya dalam atau luar
enjin tiada yang larang.
9.Nak buat setiap hari lagi digalakkan, malah
dipuji oleh kawan-kawan. Majikan tidak akan
memecat anda.
10.Jika kebetulan tok kadi dan ketua kampung
melintas, anda boleh menegur dengan senang hati
dan mempelawa mereka mencuci motor.

Ada dua org anak kembar.namanya tam
dan toni.mereka sudah dewasa dan telah beristeri.
Tam mempunyai sebuah perahu yg sangat usang.
Kebetulan suatu hari isteri Toni meninggal ketika
menaiki perahu Tam. Beberapa hari kemudian
seorang wanita tua berjumpa tam, dan secara
tidak sengaja menyangkanya Toni yg baru
kehilangan isterinya. Wanita itu berkata kpd Tam

” saya turut bersedih atas kehilangan yg anda
rasakan.Tentu anda merasa sedih.”

Tam yg menyangka bahawa wanita itu bercakap
tentang perahu menjawab,
“tak apalah,
sebenarnya memang dah lama saya ingin
membuangnya…..dah tua,lagipun memang
tak berapa menarik sejak pertama kali melihatnya.
Bahagian bawahnya sudah lapok dan berbau busuk.

Bahagian buntutnya dah teruk ,lubang
bahagian depannya pun dah sangat lebar.
Setiap kali aku menggunakannya,lubangnya
bertambah besar dan bocor. ” saya rasa yg paling merosakkanya
ialah semasa
saya meminjamkannya kepada 4 org kawan.

Saya sudah ingatkan kawan2 keadaannya
sudah tidak berapa baik. Tapi mereka masih
juga mahu menggunakannya.Mereka berempat
cuba masuk ke kedalam serentak dan akhirnya
ia terbelah ditengah2.”

Mendengar kata2 itu wanita tua itupun pengsan

Seorang mahasiswa semester akhir menulis surat kepada ayahnya:

Ayah,
Saya merasa tidak selesa kerana terus menerus menulis surat kepada ayah untuk meminta wang. Saya merasa malu dan sedih. Saya ingin meminta wang sebanyak Rm1000 dari ayah, walaupun setiap bahagian tubuh saya memberontak. Saya meminta dengan tulus dari hati saya yang paling dalam, ayah maafkan saya.

Salam dari anakanda,
Sarip.

p/s Saya merasa berat hati untuk mengirimkan surat ini, jadi saya cuba untuk mengejar posmen yang mengambil surat ini dari dalam peti surat. Saya ingin mengambil kembali surat ini dan membakarnya, kerana surat ini pasti menyusahkan hati ayah. Saya berdoa dalam hati agar saya dapat semula surat ini, tapi sudah terlambat.

Beberapa hari kemudian dia menerima balasan surat dari ayahnya yang mengandungi ayat yang ringkas:-

Kepada Sarip,
“Nak, doamu sudah dimakbulkan. Suratmu tidak pernah ayah terima”

Dari Ayahmu.

Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.
> Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja?
> Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
> Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
> Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh
> bermakna.Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
> Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
> Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik.
> Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan
> berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi=20
> perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
> Murid : Faham, cikgu!
> Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
> Murid : (senyap)
> Cikgu : Pandai!
> Murid : Bodoh!
> Cikgu : Tinggi!
> Murid : Rendah!
> Cikgu : Jauh!
> Murid : Dekat!
> Cikgu : Keadilan!
> Murid : UMNO!
> Cikgu : Salah!
> Murid : Betul!
> Cikgu : Bodoh!
> Murid : Pandai!
> Cikgu : Bukan!
> Murid : Ya!
> Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!
> Murid : Oh Hamba!
> Cikgu : Dengar ini!
> Murid : Dengar itu!
> Cikgu : Diam!
> Murid : Bising!
> Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
> Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
> Cikgu : Mati aku!
> Murid : Hidup kami!
> Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!
> Murid : Akar lama tak tau!
> Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!
> Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
> Cikgu : Kamu gila!
> Murid : Kami siuman!
> Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!
> Murid : Kurang! Kurang!
> Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!
> Murid : Belum! Belum!
> Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
> Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!
> Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!
> Murid : Oh! Mengalah!
> Cikgu : Kurang ajar!
> Murid : Cukup ajar!
> Cikgu : Habis aku!
> Murid : Kekal kami!
> Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
> Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
> Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!
> Murid : Belum, pandai!
> Cikgu : Berdiri!
> Murid : Duduk!
> Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!
> Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
> Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!
> Murid : Cerdik kami tu!
> Cikgu : Rosak!
> Murid : Baik!
> Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
> Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
> Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
> Sebentar kemudian, loceng pun berdering. Murid-murid berasa lega kerana guru yang paling ditakuti oleh
mereka telah keluar. Walau bagaimanapun, mereka merasa bangga kerana telah dapat menjawab kesemua=20
soalan cikgu tadi, tetapi esok masih ada.

surat ini memang betul diterima oleh MAS……….

Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar
5 Jalan 3/4
Taman Bukit Indah
68000 Ampang Selangor.
(Rumah pakcik saya)

Tuan Pengurus Besar Kanan
Malaysia Airlines System
21 Sep 2005
Tuan,
Memohon Pekerjaan di Malaysia Airlines System.
Sehubungan dengan perkara diatas, saya Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar no k/p 831021-10-5889 mahu memohon untuk bekerja disyarikat tuan dalam bidang teknikal. Ini kerana saya sangat berminat & bersungguh2 sampai tak boleh tido malam mengingatkan pekerjaan dalam dalam bidang ini. Walaupun begitu saye mengaku sebab saye mintak kerja disini kerana saya juga adalah seorang petani anggur. Disebabkan begitu pihak tuan kenalah ambil saya bekerja disini.
1. Pihak tuan perlu tahu juga bahawasanya bapa saya iaitu ABD GHAFAR adalah seorang ahli KWSP. Jika pihak tuan tidak mengambil saya bekerja saya serta merta akan menyuruh bapa saya membekukan pengeluaran KWSP pihak tuan masa tua nanti. Jika pihak tuan tak nak susah baiklah ambil saya bekerja disini. Itu saja keotaian saya.
2. Untuk pengetahuan pihak tuan, disini saya akan tampilkan kelayakan akademik dan pengalaman kerja saya sebelum ini kepada tuan.
3. Akademik Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia Vokasional 1999-2000
Matapelajaran : (gred)
Bahasa Malaysia 6D
Bahasa Inggeris 6D
Sains 7E
Matematik 6D
Pendidikan Islam 5C
Sejarah 7E
Lukisan geometri 7E
Teknologi air-condition 6D
Kerja bengkel 3B
Sijil Kemahiran Malaysia 2001-2002 (MLVK)
Sijil Kejuruteraan Automotive (Tahap 1&2) dari Institut Latihan
Perindustrian Kementerian Sumber Manusia Malaysia .

4. Pengalaman kerja
¡P Pembantu mekanik kereta di Yusuf Workshop, Ipoh , Perak
¡P Pembantu mekanik kereta di Dunlop Servitekar di Leboh Ampang, Kuala Lumpur (kedai gemok)
p/s (alignment kat situ tipu)
¡P Staff pejabat di Gesundheit Worldwide di Semabok, Melaka.
(pusat serenti)
5. Hanya ini sahaja dapat saya tampilkan kepada pihak tuan.

Diharap dengan kelayakan yang saya ada, permohonan saya untuk bekerja disyarikat tuan dapat dipertimbangkan oleh tuan. Dan saya berasa gembira & seronok & akan belanja satu MAS makan sekiranya diterima bekerja di syarikat tuan dan saya berjanji akan bekerja dengan bersungguh-sungguh disamping bangun awal dan datang kerja awal.
Saya tak tipu nie. Walaupun saya pernah ponteng skolah dan ditangkap beberapa kali saya akan insaf juga jika saya dapat kerja ini. Saya tidak akan hisap ganja lagi jikalau saya dapat kerja disini.
Sekiranya saya didapati bersalah dalam apa2 juga kesalahan pihak tuan tidak boleh ambil tindakan yg kuat disamping menjentik jari saya sahaja. Untuk makluman tuan saya sangat kurus jikalau dirotan sekali tulang2 saya akan bersepai dan pihak tuan akan mendapat susah yang amat sangat. Saya juga berjanji tidak akan mencuri skru2 nat2 yg lawa2.jika saya nak mencuri saya akan ambil sahaja dan masuk dalam poket seluar itu tidak dikira mencuri. Saya pun dah penat menulis segala nya bermula & berakhir dgn baik. Jika pihak tuan tidak mengambil saya bekerja hidup pihak tuan akan berakhir dengan bacaan yasin. Dah kunjungan org ramai.
Sekian terima kasih.

Yang benar,
(Mohd Kamal Bin Abdul Ghafar)
25 Jalan 3/4
Taman Bukit Indah
68000 Ampang
Selangor

FAQ:

What is DotA?
DotA stands for Defense of the Ancient. It is a custom map/game in Warcraft III. The objective is to destroy the opponent’s World Tree or Frozen Throne respectively using your hero along with your ally creeps.

What is the origin of DotA and what is the history DotA: Allstars?
DotA is based on the concept of Aeon of Strife which originated from Starcraft. One of the first AoS style map in Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos was done by a map maker named Eul. However, since the release of Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, Eul was unable to port the game into the new expansion set. After some time, several spin-off’s of DotA started circulating Battle.Net, BNet for short. DotA: Allstars at that time was a compilation of all the “cool” heroes in each spinoff and origin alike, and it quickly became one of the most popular custom games on BNet. However, the person who put together DotA: Allstars ended its production after releasing a Human vs Orc variant of Allstars. Shortly after, Guinsoo, as we all know, stepped up and became the main programmer for DotA: Allstars for many, many versions.

How is DotA: Allstars doing now?
On February 28th (my birthday btw), a new era of DotA began. Massive changes including new heroes, new item and new terrain were released in version 6.0, a huge step from 5.84b. The changes were drastic and many people resisted and decided to stick with 5.84. Shortly after the release of 6.01, Guinsoo went missing. During Guinsoo’s absence, IceFrog stepped up along with Neichus and the rest of the Development team to fix the various bugs and balances present in the map. IceFrog is now the main programmer for the map, doing anything from implementation, balance to debug.

Enough history, how do I play?
As I’ve said, the objective of the game is to destroy the opponent’s main structure, World Tree or the Frozen Throne. However, the tree/throne is guarded heavily by towers and creeps in 3 separate lanes. Your job is to pick a hero, out of over 60 different choices, and assist your team into accomplishing your objective.

What game modes are there?
All game modes are activated by the Blue player at the beginning of the game.
• All Random - type -ar at the start of game. Each player is assigned random hero from any tavern.
• All pick - type -ap at the start of the game. Each player can select a hero from either your own taverns or the opponent’s tavern. totaling 69 hero choices.
• Reverse - type -re at the start of the game. Each player picks a hero for your opponent. Your opponents now get the five heroes picked by your team.
• Death match - If you die, you lose your hero permanently, as well as levels. However, you retain your items. activate by typing -dm.
• Item drop - you lose items instead of money if you die, type -id
• Short mode - heroes level up faster, towers are weaker, and you get 3 more gold every 7 seconds.. Activate by typing -sm.
• Mirror match - Each team gets identical heroes. Activate by typing -mm
• Dupe mode - Usually only one type of hero is allowed, dupe mode allows you to have more than one identical heroes in each team. Note you still only get one hero. Activate by typing -du
• Team Random - Every players is assigned a random hero from their ally taverns. Activate by typing -tr.
• Capture the flag - instead of destroying the opponent’s structure, you try to bring back a flag from the enemy base to your base to win. Activate by typing -ctf.
• Super creeps - Randomly spawns powerful creeps for each team, ranging from Siege Golems to Hydra. activate by typing -sc.
• New mode - This mode gives access to heroes in the extra tavern located in the lower right corner. Note that the heroes in this tavern can be considered imbalance,but they are fun heroes to use if you are looking for a non-competitive DotA game. Activate by typing -new
Are there any commands players other than Blue are allowed to do?
• Random - assigns you a random hero. Activate by typing -random at any time prior to having a hero.
• Repick - If you random a hero, even in all random, you are allowed to repick your hero once. Of course there are gold penalties for repicking. Activate by typing -repick. Note that if you move your hero or buy anything, you can’t repick anymore.
• unstuck - transport your hero to the fountain after 50 seconds, it’s used when you are stuck in a unmovable place. You can not move while transporting. Activate by typing -unstuck
• Refresh - Only compatible with Phantom Assassin, it’s used to fix her visual Blur effect after dying. Activate by typing -refresh at any time.
• beamcounter - only compatible with Luna, the moon rider. It counts the number of beams shot Luna, it has no effect on game play. Activate by typing -beamcounter at any time.
• Recreate - recreates your hero after 200 seconds. Activate by typing -recreate with your hero near the fountain. This is used to fix various loss of control problems dealing with the following heroes: Dragon knight, Naix, Terrorblade and Lycanthrope. You retain all skills and items after recreation. You can not move during recreation.
• Check Movement - you can check your hero’s movement value by typing -movespeed.
• Check Hero Matchup - You can check which player control what hero by typing -matchup.
How do I get money to buy items?
Every team gets 3500 gold to start off, distributed evenly between each ally player. If it’s a 5v5, each player gets 700 gold to begin with. 4v4, each player gets 875 etc. Any additional gold is made by killing creeps, heroes or enemy structures. You also get 8 gold every 7 seconds, 10 gold if Short Mode is activated..

What’s wood for?
Nothing, you don’t need it.

What are items?
Items are bought from shops to give your hero a boost in combat. You can buy basic items from 4 different shops at your base, and 2 secret merchants.

What are recipes?
Recipes are made from combining items. Some recipe require only the items listed in the recipe (i.e. Ring of Basillius is automatically made when you have sobi mask and ring of protection in your inventory), while others required you to buy the actually recipe itself (i.e. power treads is made with Boots of speed+golves of haste+power treads recipe). There are four recipe shops located at your base. A tip: always get the recipe last!

Who is this ‘Roshan’ that my teammates keep yelling about?
Roshan is a giant Golem in the map. It has high attack damage, high armor, high HP, high regeneration and high mana. It is also armed with a stun, AOE (Area of Effect) slow, melee damage return and can negate spells every once in a while. Killing him usually requires a full team of late game heroes, or an extremely well buffed hero. Each player on the team which slays Roshan gets 800 bounty, and the player who lands the final blow gets an additional bounty. Careful, killing Roshan will cause you precious push or defend time, and can lose the game for you if you approach Roshan at an inappropriate time. Roshan has a chance to drop a rare item. What is it you ask? Hack that giant chunk of rock open to find out!

And when people step out this red line
I’ll never let them to go
Never laugh cause this is the dead end
Is it my end before it start to show

And when people step out this red line
Mean no other place need to go
Let the future past in the mean time
Faces the griefness here all alone

It was you call me and told me
Help me out and shine up my life
It was u call me again tell I am without

It was you call me and told me
Blur up my eyes and left me alone
It was you told me the lies I always spoke…